From the Beginning
by Mint18
Summary: CAPTAINSWAN: My perspective on Hook and Emma's love story from the very beginning. Rated M for mild sexual references and swearing and because i'm cautious. Cameos from other OUAT players! Enjoy x


From the Beginning

She feels something the minute she ties him to the tree. How could she not? He is incredibly hot and she is only human after all. So naturally he is another one of those hard-to-believe-is-really-real ridiculously stupid fairy-tale characters. And Captain Hook at that. Still that body and those eyes pull at her from the beginning. Even as he whimpers and pleads, believing he will get away with lying to her, she knows she's a goner. Not that she would _ever_ admit it. That would mean letting some form of emotion get past her walls. That would meaning dealing with her feelings and accepting that it was still possible for her to feel that way.

For him it takes a little longer. He is still preoccupied with his revenge. Although she is beautiful, all she is, is another nuisance, another distraction, standing in his way and stopping him from getting his revenge on the crocodile. Why should he be thinking of a new love whilst he was still trying to avenge another? She is beautiful though and he always thinks it such a shame to waste beauty.

Flirting with pretty girls to get what he wants is second nature by now, so that's exactly what he does with her. Except it doesn't work. She refuses to be flattered and cuts through any bullshit without a second thought. This admittedly intrigues him. He has not met many who can resist his appeal and even fewer who have actually wanted to which is rather why he relies upon his charm to get what he wants. She has blocked herself off so thoroughly though that no matter what he tries it has no effect- even when his curiosity turns his flattery more genuine he gets nowhere. This wild Swan would not be tamed and she could not be easily swayed. That definitely made her someone worth knowing and probably, if they were on the same side, an excellent ally. His desire to understand her even makes him consider sticking around with her motley crew a little longer just so he can get to know her a little better.

He spends the entire adventure trying to bring her walls down, his curiosity driving him to try to understand her, but he finds no chink in her armour. Whomever had built it for her, whoever had hurt her so deeply, the damage is almost irreparable. He is polite, charming and, to his surprise, honest and sometime during the whole debacle he realises he wants to be the one by her side to try and help her heal. But he doesn't recognise (or maybe denies) that these are the beginning signs of love, he has, of course, not felt them for centuries. He is both upset and delighted when she outsmarts him and leaves him behind, handcuffed and alone with the giant.

She can't help the guilt she feels for leaving him stranded on the beanstalk. Of course she did it for the right reasons. The ones where leaving him trapped there temporarily gave them more time to get what they needed before Cora was back on their tail. Not the ones where she recognised the potential dangers of falling for his pretty face. She is sure that there are many that have fallen victim to it before and she is determined not to be one of them. It has absolutely nothing to do with her need to keep her walls intact, or so she keeps trying to telling herself. There is still only so many ways she can keep pretending this is true when all she can see is the look of betrayal on his face when she put on those handcuffs. That face, those eyes. Nope she definitely didn't want him. No way. She could not possibly have feelings for anyone let alone Captain Hook. She wasn't that girl anymore. Love was too hard and the inevitable heartbreak too unbearable to ever comprehend.

The battle at the lake is hard for both of them. Neither wants the other dead but both know it would be better for their cause, better (and easier) to protect their own goals if the other was no longer in the way. Still neither of them can quite manage to hurt the other nor explain why.

 _'When I jab you with my sword, you'll feel it.'_ She knows it's a line (and a God awful one at that) and she knows he's playing with her but goddamn if that isn't exactly what she wants right now. She knows she can't ignore this (but she will). He is a pirate, her enemy and not to be trusted. But damn if his good looks aren't a gift straight from heaven (or the other place.) She knows she can't bring herself to kill him so she settles for getting some of her frustration out by clocking him over the head instead.

He toys with her. He know his skills far outweigh her own and he's having fun showing off. Through his contempt, conceit and cockiness, he forget who he's taunting. He forgets the lessons he learnt on the beanstalk (if only because he is temporarily blinded by how good she looks holding a sword.) He forgets that this isn't another easy to manipulate floozy, so she knocks him out, just to remind him and to be sure he never forgets again she's not to be trifled with.

Ultimately this was probably the best move for both of them.

Of course he finds a way to Storybrooke. Although his original mission can't be forgotten that easily and darkness will never be that simple to subdue, part of the reason he is here now is her. Though he would still hate to admit it. Sure the crocodile is still his main goal but he can't help but wonder about the girl who has bested him more often in the last week than anyone else has in the last century. He also can't help the twinge of nerves and anticipation for what he hopes is an inevitable meeting. First things first though. He has a crocodile to skin. So he puts the mysterious Swan out of his mind (or he tries) as he skulks around her strange world wondering (but definitely not hoping) that today will be the day she finally shows up to stop him.

In the beginning he manages to keep Emma Swan mostly out of his head. He works quietly in the backstreets of her town to ruin the Crocodile. He destroys the Crocodile's happiness when he takes the memories of his lover and even though he almost dies in the process, it's worth it. He travels even further to a stranger city and poison him just to be sure, that this time will really be the end.

She doesn't think much of him whilst they're busy trying to defeat Cora. Really she hasn't got the time. She knows he's around and not up to any good but Cora's her main concern. She's still sheriff and Cora's a pain in the ass and despite the atrocity of her ending, it's almost a relief when her _mother_ kills her and saves Gold. He's always been in the background though. The look of his face after they tried to feed him blue jello in the hospital still makes her heart twinge. She actually felt for him as he stood there trying to understand the customs of world that must seem so strange to him. She tries really hard to ignore her morals when they remind her he was only there after what he did to Belle.

He's disappointed when they save the Crocodile's life but not as disappointed as he should be and so this time it is he who runs. He takes the bean that will save Emma's son and he runs. This is the first time he has ever run from a woman but he has to. He has to escape the fact that he is changing. He has lived a life of ruin and corruption for so long that he has forgotten what it is like to be a good man (but has never forgotten good form) but suddenly he wants to be a good man again for this damn woman. He wants to forget his revenge and help her save her son. And he definitely knows he has to go back. Now that he knows he can be better than he was, become someone worthy of love and being loved in return, it's time for him to prove it. It is time for him to show this woman that he can and will be better for her. He turns his ship around because he knows now he is ready to love this woman. Finally he can let Milah, revenge and best of all, the darkness, go.

She is thrilled that he came back for her. He offers his help and his ship and she knows he is truly trying to change when he even lets Gold on board. Now she thinks maybe it's ok to have a nice sized crush on the beautiful captain, even after everything they've been through because she can hardly deny it much longer (but she'll still try, especially with her parents around.)

They all challenge each other on the journey to Neverland (because where else would she end up when she's journeying with Captain Hook?) So it not exactly the easiest journey any of them have undertaken. But they survive, just. He really is trying now, to be a hero (and she so secretly hopes it's to impress her) even if her family is still weary of him. In fact her parents seem more comfortable with Regina than with him. She fears it is because they know. They know that she is falling for a pirate.

This is his chance he knows it. She is desperate and lonely and heartbroken and he doesn't want to see her like that anymore. He knows she just lost Henry's father again, he knows that she is still hurting from her lonely childhood and he knows that every minute that cursed trickster Pan has Henry is cutting her heart a little deeper, creating one more ribbon. And all he wants is to fix that, to hold her close and kiss her tears dry before they even begin to fall. He wonders how this happened, how it is even possible for him to love this deep again, but it did and he does and all he wants is to tell her how beautiful she is and for her to believe it. So he tries hard to please her parents, to be a gentleman (aside from a little _gentle_ teasing of David because really he makes it too easy.) He wants to be the man he once was before his greatest loss of all.

But still they don't approve of him and he can't understand why. He really _is_ trying. Isn't this the family that has hope and second chances running through their veins instead of blood? Why is he the exception?

Now she knows he's doing it for her. He's not exactly being subtle anymore and it's both thrilling and terrifying. At first she tries to ignore him. She's given up ignoring how she feels and now is trying to hide it as best as possible, but she can't let go of how good she feels when she's around him and how he makes her laugh with his silly pirate antics. Now she is sure her parents know and that they don't approve. She knows that it would take something really drastic to change their minds.

Turns out that the needed action on his part is saving her father's life. She can tell her father is only grudgingly accepting him because he can hardly hate the man who saved his life. But that's enough for her to know that if she decides to let him through her walls they would no longer question it. So she thanks him in a way she's been dreaming about for longer than she would care to admit.

She's been on edge ever since he returned to their clearing with her father, he can tell. She's jumpy and vague and not quite there as if trying to piece something together in her head. He watches her as she drinks from his flask and he so desperately wants to know what she's thinking.

' _Did you really save his life?'_ His patience is rewarded and he is so grateful. She is thanking him albeit for a false set of events, she is still thanking him. He sees the look on her face, the hesitancy and he moves a step closer. He is not going to let her go this time not when they are so close, this time he will push her. He can see that she is trying, he knows that she feels something no matter how desperately she tries to hide it or how much she wishes she didn't because it is always easier when you don't feel at all. To remain numb and closed off from the world. That is what he did after Milah. But he won't let that happen to her, he won't let her fall the same way he did. He moves a little closer, watching closely her reaction to his proximity and the hunger in her eyes eggs him on. He pushes her a little harder, teases her, challenges her to just let herself feel for once, not think. And she does and he does and it is glorious.

They are both surprised by the ferociousness of her kiss. Her demand shows just how much she wanted this and he returns it with equal fervour feeding his own hunger with hers. They are together and apart and as one. For one glorious minute they are fused together completely and they both get exactly what they wanted.

Then she is pulling away. He sees her walls come back up. She is panicking and he can tell she is preparing to go into flight mode and run from him as fast as she can. He is still reeling from their kiss and so he lets her go. This time is different and she can't run from what's changed between them.

Neverland hasn't changed, but this time its tricks and traps don't bother him. Even when Neal returns he holds onto his hope because for the first time in centuries it actually seems possible. So when they face the cave and tell secrets to retrieve Neal he spills his heart to Emma Swan and it only hurts a little to finally hear her confusion and longing for both of them expressed out loud. She will make a decision and this time, he feels it, he _knows_ that this time it will be him. He will win her heart.

She does her best to put on a brave face for both of them, to not let her confusion and pain show on her face. She focuses on Henry and rescuing him and hopes that they are not fighting over her because that is the last thing she needs. She is barely holding it together as it is, her desire for both of them and the loss of Henry is breaking her.

When finally she can breathe again it is too late. A curse is taking them both from her, not only will she never see them again but she won't remember them. Her beautiful blue eyed pirate will be nothing and Neal will go back to being the scum-bag who abandoned her and left her to rot. She can't even face them though she desperately wants to hold them both close. She wants to kiss her pirate one last time and tell him that maybe with time she could have chosen him. Now she will never have the chance, she never faced her feelings and now both their hearts are breaking. Neal she realises she worries about for Henry's sake, the father he never had will be lost again to both of them forever, she knows now (that it is too late of course to choose) though she will always love him she is no longer _in_ love with him. So she makes her goodbyes quick. She would promise herself a breakdown later but this time there will be no later with which to say goodbye.

He knows she's chosen him by the look on her face as they say goodbye. She will not face him, not properly and it breaks his heart. He needs her to say it, to tell him it would have been him then maybe he can return to his old life and be happy knowing (hoping) that time will dull the ache of missing her. That maybe knowing she is happy with Henry will make him happy… eventually.

She has almost the best year of her life. Her and Henry are together, the happy loving family she never had with her own parents and she has Walsh and plenty of money coming in. She gets the happy ending she always wanted, her son will never be adopted or an orphan, never face her hardships and it makes her smile.

That year is almost the worst of his life. Though he does not lose it in the curse, he tries desperately to forget. He no longer belongs to the pirate life (though he will always belong to the sea), darkness no longer coats his heart and he is miserable. That year he discovers he cannot live without her.

The curse becomes a blessing. Whomever cast it, he wants to kiss because now he has a chance to find her. Now he is free to search the realms for her. Now he can find his Swan and bring her home.

There is strange (and ridiculously good looking) man at her door. He kisses her and it makes her want to cry. Though she has no idea why she gets the overwhelming feeling that she is home. Still of course she throws him out, her walls protect her. She would have done the same to someone she knew (and truly loved) let alone a total stranger.

When his memory potion wakes her up from her dream it's a relief to know what was missing and a sad realisation that her safe live with Henry wasn't real. She looks at her pirate and all those feelings she escaped with the memory loss come streaming back. She wants to kiss him senseless and she wants to run back into the oblivion that kept her safe. That way she doesn't have to make a decision and Henry is safe. First things first though she has to find out what's happened to the rest of her family.

The Wicked Witch of the West has cursed her family, her mother is pregnant with a child that said witch wants for a _time-travelling_ spell and her parents now share a heart because of course that is a normal string of events that happens to your everyday perfectly ordinary family. Yet somehow people (one in particular) cannot understand why she doesn't want Henry living here (especially while he has no idea who these people are.) She wants normality. A life where there isn't a constant stream of monsters and villains to defeat, a life that's safe. But every time she looks at him she knows it would break her heart to leave, maybe this is just one heartbreak she will have to bare if it means keeping Henry safe and running away from the insanity that faces her now.

She's a complete contradiction and her stubbornness drives him wild. All he wants is for her to let her guard down just a little and admit that she wants to stay. Safety and emotional barriers be damned just this once. He tries every trick he can think of, he tries to right his past, especially with the mermaid that has been haunting him since he returned to Storybrooke (not that he would ever tell Swan about his mistake) but nothing works. She is determined to leave, to run from what she knows will make her happiest. It almost breaks him completely when Zelena curses his lips. She takes away his last desperate option of getting his Swan to see sense and he's almost ready to resort to begging if it will keep her here.

She saves his life when the blasted Witch tries to drown him. He would know her lips anywhere- she has given up everything to save him. Now she calls him Killian no longer Hook and it gives him hope she is beginning to accept him. In spite of all that is falling apart around them, he hopes now she may be closer than ever to bringing those walls down.

It is lonely behind her walls. It always has been but she has always found it better to protect her heart and be lonely than to risk losing it again. She also knows she wants a home, she wants to find that place she misses. She nearly loses her family forever when she almost destroys the past. She can't run any longer. This is the place she will miss, despite the monsters and the danger, she can't live without any of it. Especially him. On that dance floor he turned her so gracefully with such gentleness and tenderness she knows it is really time to stop running, this is another rift her walls have made that she must fix.

He waits outside as they celebrate a safe return. Whilst he is now a hero he does not yet quite belong in this world and with the people that surround him. She finds him of course, he would notice too if his Swan ever left the room, or was ever feeling lonely. He can't stand it anymore, the way she looks at him, the desire he knows now is reflected back at him, he can't take it but he will never push her ever. So he is so grateful when it is her who reaches out to pull him in.

She still hurts. She still wonders if this is a good idea. She still wants to run at the first sign of this going wrong, the first sign of another broken heart. But she can't stand it anymore. Her pirate who hides his pain behind quips and innuendos, she can't break him any longer. He has sacrificed so much to be with her, to bring her home and she wants him too badly to refuse him again.

The kiss is soaring and long and lingering and leaves them both breathless and desperate for more. They both wonder if maybe this is it, maybe this is the happily ever after they've both been searching for, for so long.

They have more adventures, face more monsters, the snow queen tries to turn everyone against each other and they help a woman name Elsa. None of this he really cares about because finally this is real, finally she has stopped pushing him away. It surprises him to no end when she is the one who asks _him_ out. Though it doesn't surprise him at all to find her walls still up. She has faced so much and lost everyone she ever loved and she doesn't want to lose him ever and he vows that that will never happen. Hell itself will not keep them apart.

The bloody crocodile ruins everything again of course. Finally after everything, after centuries he had moved on, he had let the darkness go, forgotten his revenge and left the bloody crocodile alone. So of course the Dark One had to ruin it all, take his peace and damn happy ending away from him. His Swan is a hero. She is the bloody saviour so of course she had to go and absorb all the darkness that threatened them all.

He loves her, he is sure of that now. After everything they have been through she has completed him and healed him and reminded him how to be a better man. Now he hopes he will have the chance to do the same for her. To keep her on the Saviour's path. He so desperately wanted to tell her, to tell her how desperately he loved her. He was ready, but he knew she wasn't. He had after all watched her struggle to come to terms with loving again. He had watched her run whenever her feelings found a way through her walls and overwhelmed her. He had watched her battle her guilt at loving while Regina's heart broke and as she struggled to overcome her own past and accept that it was possible for someone to love her unconditionally.

The journey to Camelot changes everything.

The first time he sees her after (or so he thinks it the first)…She is no longer the same, he knows that but he has to remind himself all the same. This time he is on the side of the light. This time the Saviour has lost her battle and he has to bring her back. She might wear black leather and a harsh platinum bun now but he still loves her, he can't help it. This is the woman who saved his life. Now it is his turn. He will save her from herself. He will save her from the darkness that has engulfed her and turned her own thoughts against her, save her from horrible presence in her mind that is manipulating her memories and turning her against all that she loves.

Her heart breaks as he looks at her façade of darkness. If only he knew. She wonders what he would do if she hadn't taken his memories. If he knew that under the newly adopted persona she hadn't changed at all, but that it was him who'd changed instead. How he would react? Could he fight this time if he knew? Would he help destroy the darkness that now encased them both? But just this once Rumpelstiltskin is right. She can't risk him finding out the truth before she fixes her mistake because if he can't or won't fight then they are both lost. So she takes the memories from all of them, she takes their adventures in Camelot and erases them. She takes every kiss, every touch that once again proved his love from him and hopes that it will be enough to contain the darkness so devoted to overpowering him. She takes his curse and ensures absolute silence from everybody they both love on the night that Merlin tried to take the darkness away. Then to make completely sure that none of them suspects the truth, she lies to them all and threatens them and in the process shatters the last unbroken pieces of her heart.

Her crafty resourceful pirate, she should've known that he would never ever give up. She only wanted to keep him safe. She only wanted to protect him and keep him the man who loved her, to save him from the hell she had put him through. Now Zelena has made it is too late, too late to change him back before he remembers.

He sees it. He sees it all. When the darkness takes hold he can't breathe, he can't think… He knows he loves her even after what she did to him. He knows he has to fight. Wouldn't he have done the same thing to her if it meant keeping them together? He would always do whatever it took to save her. Still he can't see and panic takes holds and he realises that his thoughts might no longer his own because after all that's how darkness works, it takes hold, it confuses and it manipulates. He loves her, he loves her, he loves her… No he doesn't. She tricked him. Killian Jones the man who loved her was weak. Now he is also gone. He is Captain Hook. All he needs is revenge. Cold and calculated and now he has the power to finish what he started.

Waking up from the darkness is like waking up from a dream. He knows where he is and what he's done. Magic wants it price and now everything he loves is being taken from him. He knows he's dying. He can feel the hole in his neck from Excalibur and knows it has been re-opened, but what he sees almost makes up for it. Emma. Her hair is golden again and she wears red leather not black. His Swan is safe and so is her family. For that he will try to die happy and face whatever punishment comes next gladly. Nothing can take this relief from him, not even the reminders of the atrocities of his past he will surely face in the underworld. He plans to try his hardest to make up for the pain he's caused. He loves her and he tells her and closes his eyes to move on to the next life. He knows she cries but that's ok she lives, free of the darkness that plagued them both and she will heal.

He should've known she wouldn't be ok with letting him go that easily. He should've known his death wouldn't be that easy, because she's here with her little band of heroes and she's cross that Hades won't let her have him. He knows too that this will only end one way…badly for Hades. And oh it does because his Swan would never let something so measly as _the ruler of the underworld_ stand in her way.

Now here they stand, together at the end, in hell too of course because where better to be reunited with a lost lover? She holds tight to both his hands as Regina rips out her heart and she holds tighter still as she feels it twist. She can't help wincing in pain as it rips in half and she knows he sees her pain. He doesn't have to tell her that the only reason he is allowing this to cause her pain is the slim hope that it will allow them to be together again- though he has no doubts that if it didn't work that now that she has found him, she would stay here with him, consequences be damned.

She feels it as half her heart is returned to her chest, it's thumping now awkward and echoing without its other half. But this does nothing to limit her joy as she watches Regina shove the other half through his chest. Nothing to stop enough joy and love filling her half heart to burst a full one as she watches colour return to his cheeks and he lives.

They both feel it when their lips meet. The pure energy burst of True Love that escapes them both and surrounds them, turning the underworld, if only for a moment, a little brighter.

He is hers.

She is his.

From now on and forever they will face everything together.

For now though they will start with going home and starting to live that well deserved happy ending.

A/N: Please leave a review if you liked it or even if you didn't, i love hearing what you all think! xx


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